


Judicium Dei

by Hedgi



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Introspection, death contemplation, reaction to 3.11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 14:17:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9552542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hedgi/pseuds/Hedgi
Summary: Because why stop with ONE Cisco introspective about this episode when I could write MORE?The night before the Trial by Combat, Cisco thinks about what Trial by Combat is meant to be, and about what losing means.somehow, it's not as scary as he might have expected. This is not the first time he's faced death, after all.





	

Cisco doesn’t really sleep that night, not with his mind jumping from thought to memory and memory to thought. The last time he had a night like this was just about a year ago, knowing that in a few hours, he’d be going through a hole in the universe like a rippling pond and maybe not coming out. He’d written a letter, then. He’s written one now, tucked it in the top drawer of his desk. He can’t give it to Caitlin to ask her to give it to his mama, not when she’s so confident he’ll win, that seems like jinking it, like opening the doors for disaster. If worst comes to worst, they’ll find it.

It’s not that he’s afraid to die, not really. He doesn’t want to, but they’ve all faced death on a weekly basis for three years now, and he has three sets of memories that overlap: his own heart being shredded and torn, the needle-sting at his neck  and flame in his veins, the wave of blue fire that washed over everything. The others have faced death. He has died. It’s not a new experience.

And he’s seen the future in his vibes, wearing the suit he’s only just finished, fighting Caitlin in a suit he knows hasn’t yet been made. If he dies here, that changes. That won’t happen. If that changes, that means the future really is what they make of it, ready to be welded into a better shape.

Somehow, that makes things a little easier. He’d see Dante again, too, and that helps. Armando. Ronnie. Henry Allen. His father. The real Harrison Wells and Tess, and he thinks he’d have liked them. Everyone they’ve lost. Death isn’t the end, he knows that now more than he ever did memorizing prayers in Sunday school. Faith based on lessons and readings and memorizing  is well and good but it’s the experiences that matter, he thinks. Faith born from doubt seems stronger.

Trial by Combat. He’s read enough fantasy novels to know that Trial by Combat wasn’t meant to be about who’s stronger, who’s more skilled, even if that’s how it worked out, usually, which is why there were all kinds of rules about challenges, rules he wished they’d asked about now. She said to the death, but he’s pretty sure there’s a “if you can hold them off for a certain amount of time” escape clause in there somewhere, but that might not be true in her world. Trial by Combat was leaving it up to the gods, or to God, because it’s not just a fantasy novel thing and anyway Cisco only has the one. The person in the right wins, in theory, no matter how uneven the fight, because Miracles.  Cisco’s pretty sure the Lord has more pressing matters than this, and he really doesn’t want to get into the theology of earth 19 and is it the same God and if not what does that mean, because it’s too late at night for that. But he believes in Miracles. The fact that he’s alive now is proof enough of miracles.

So he folds his arms in a quiet corner, and says a prayer, _Señor, concédeme la serenidad para aceptar las cosas que no puedo cambiar,_ and waits for sunrise.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are appreciated


End file.
